This entry is not an easy one to write. I struggle with how to explain this. I want to tell you why I took a short hiatus from posting a blog. I was body shamed by someone close to me. It happened while I was talking excitedly about some new adventures I recently experienced. I was catching up with them on all the new work I had put into Paula Fay FIT. In response, this person used the word "fat" and also some words that described how it was impossible that I had accomplished it because of my heavy weight. I was in total shock. I was quick to tell the person how inappropriate and hurtful it was. This person didn't say sorry immediately and also said something to the affect that I was over reacting. This happened right before I was scheduled to post the blog entitled, "Rock Climbing: A Lesson in Humility". I held onto posting that blog for weeks because it includes videos of me climbing. You can see my backside and my backside only. After those comments I went back to those videos and started over analyzing the shape of my body in negative ways. I also started saying things to myself like, "Maybe I shouldn't post these. I'm unworthy of demonstrating fitness because I'm heavy." It really messed with my head. Just when I thought I was on the brink of unbroken confidence, that happened and I just melted. I started thinking I was going to scrap the whole Rock Climbing blog all together. But I didn't. There was a little voice inside me whispering, "That person is wrong." I kept the blog in draft form. I didn't delete it. I held onto it because that whisper eventually became a roar. I part of me knew it would if I just gave myself time to fill my mind with positive thoughts. I replaced the body shaming with statements of worthiness and confidence.
"I am good enough!"
"I can be a role model for others!"
"I will not let others define me!"
"My experience matters no matter what my size."
I want you to know that I experience it too. I am an active and healthy adult with a lot of plans to live a happy life. This is not the first time I've been the brunt of body shaming and it will not be my last. Hang in there. With positive affirmations and faith that you will get through it, you can change how body shaming affects you.
What you tell yourself everyday will either lift you up or tear you down. I will always lift you up. You should too.